A Love Story: Lynne and Sex Camp

There was once a little doggie named Lynne. She happened to be my doggie. Now if you haven't met Lynne, you should. Here are a few facts about her: She is a tiny little munchkin dog who has a lesbian haircut, doesn't move all day long, and dances on when she has to go outside. To know her is to love her. When she sleeps she snores more than Jessi Schumacher. It is a soothing, melodic sound and I love to drift off to sleep spooning with Lynne, listening to her beautiful snoring noises. 

Who couldn't love sleeping with this?

Now, like any little dog trying to make it in this big, lonely word, Lynne was looking for love. She looked up and down Dorsett Drive, but every dog was either too big, or not man enough for her. She was becoming more and more disappointed as days went by and she still had no dog to love her like she deserved. The Dybevik family was getting progressively frustrated as well because we wanted the best for our little Lynne, and we also wanted some little puppies for her (we knew she would make a great mother). As time went by, the family and Lynne were at our wits end... What could we do to find Lynne a soulmate (and get some little pups out of the endeavor)? Then we heard about this glorious place where little doggies like Lynne to go to find love. One might consider the place to be a weekend love retreat... or better yet, "Sex Camp."

So Lynne packed her bag, and with her heart filled with optimism and a thirst for romance, she bounded off to Sex Camp. She spent the weekend at a Shih Tzu Love Guru's palace (aka a breeder) filled with tiny little romantic prospects running amuck, all seeking the same thing: love. Now on the first day, Lynne mingled with the other doggies, drank doggie cosmos and made small talk about her interests and goals in life. However she went to bed disappointed because she just couldn't seem to make a doggie connection with anyone at camp. "Was she destined to be alone forever?" she wondered. She maintained her tiny heart full of optimism though, telling herself tomorrow was a new day, and her soul mate could be right around the corner. But the next day went the same way... meaningless small talk, empty flirting, and no true love connection. Lynne was packing up her doggie bags and trying to hold back tears when a manly little black-and-white spotted Shih Tzu sauntered up to her, exuding the confidence and charisma of a pure bred German Shepard. His name was Buster, and he was perfect. Needless to say they fell in love and did what little doggies do at Sex Camp. When my mother came to pick Lynne up from her romantic weekend, she gave Buster a tearful goodbye and made her way back Dorsett Drive with no tail wagging in site. Would she ever see him again?

Lynne was so depressed after having to leave Buster that she slept for days and days and didn't move from the couch.

She ate pints of Ben & Jerry's and watched movies like "The Notebook" and "Sleepless in Seattle." This went on for days until Lynne got some wonderful news. She was going to have babies! She was so ecstatic at the thought of starting a tiny family that she smiled for days. Just like this: 

Was she sad about having to leave Buster? Yes. But these puppies were going to fill that void and mend that broken heart. After a few long and excitement filled months, two beautiful boys were brought into this world: Sam and Gabe. They came out like tiny little balls of fur, and I bonded with them over little naps and cuddle sessions.

As time went on, Lynne's heart healed and Sam and Gabe brought joy and meaning into her little doggy life. They grew into a beautiful furry family and now spend all day, every day together; sleeping, napping, taking walks, and eating my clothes. And thus ends a story of romance, adventure, and most of all, love. The story of Lynne and Sex Camp is one that claims the title of "Happily Ever After."